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A Wild Story From Glen
your tour director and humble servant
We just sent out info on our 2010 rides the other day, and a lot of people emailed to ask why we changed the name of one of our rides from
The Hudson River Ride
to
Bike the River Valley
Same ride, same date, same route, same everything... new name.
Apparently The Hudson River Ride was the wrong name to use.
I discovered how wrong it was when I got a screaming phone call from Tony Mann, the president of the Jewish Board of Family & Children's Services followed by a letter from their lawyers, threatening to sue me.
WHY were Tony and the Jewish Board of Family & Children's Services (JBFCS) threatening to sue me?
Because...
(wait for it...)
They were demanding that I stop using the word "Hudson" in the name of our ride.
Honest!
See, they have a $500-per-person fund-raising ride that ALSO has the word Hudson in it.
I asked their attorney if they were aware of THESE rides, all created before the JBFCS event:
Bike Hudson Valley
New York Henry Hudson Ride
Mid-Hudson Bike Ride
Great Hudson Valley Pedal
Hudson River Bike Ride
Hudson Valley Bike Challenge
Walkway Over the Hudson Bike Ride
Mohawk-Hudson Bike Ride
* * *
I thought this was hilarious.
They did not.
Well, now I know what the JBFCS did with the $500 donation I gave them last year -- they spent it on lawyers to sue me! (I asked the staff of the JBFCS's law firm if they were handling this case for free, and they assured me that they were getting paid).
SO... once I figured out that Tony Mann and the JBFCS were actually serious about banning the use of the word "Hudson" I called up MY lawyer, who assured me that they had absolutely no case. You can't copyright the word Hudson!
And then my lawyer said what he ALWAYS says when I call in a panic:
Glen, you make some very good points.
It would cost you a LOT of money to fight this.
ANYTHING can happen when you go to court. There's no guarantee that you would win.
He confirmed my theory that Tony Mann and the folks at the JBFCS are idiots (always nice to get an expert opinion...), but if I went to court so a judge would tell them that they're idiots it would cost me at LEAST $10,000. Possibly as much as $20,000.
I also asked for advice from my friendly neighbor who is a prominent drug attorney. He assured me that the cost estimate above was correct and I should settle out of court, but if I was ever caught with a couple thousand pounds of weed he was ready to help and could probably get me off with only the maximum sentence...
* * *
SO... just exactly how dumb am I?
I'm dumb enough that if my lawyer had said that we could do this whole thing for less than, say, $5,000, I would have considered it money well-spent so I could tell Tony and the JBFCS folks to jump in the lake.
But $10,000 buys a lot of ice cream and pie...
ANYWAY... after wrangling for more than THREE MONTHS with the JBFCS's lawyer I signed the legal settlement, and promised, among other things:
Not to use the word "Hudson" in the name of this ride. After 2010 I can use it in the name of a ride that does not take place in Westchester County, provided that "Hudson" is not combined with "Ride" or "Valley". (Yes, I'm serious -- you can't make this crazy stuff up!)
I have to sell JBFCS at my cost two domain names that I legally own -- hudsonriverride.com and hudsonriverride.org.
I can not create any new bike rides in Westchester for three years. (I can work on someone else's Westchester ride; I just can't create one).
Believe me, this is the improved version of the deal derived from much negotiating -- previous drafts had me banned from five NY counties for ages, or from doing any ride within 30 days of their ride.
What do you think the JBFCS's law firm is going to charge them for these three months of tomfoolery? I'm guessing in the $10,000 - $25,000 range.
At least.
Tony did a really first-class job of raising money for charity last year via the JBFCS bike ride, and I have to tip my hat to him for that. He worked hard to pull it together and JBFCS does great work with kids, among other projects, that help Jews and non-Jews equally.
But now they seem to think that the best thing to do with that money they raised is to spend it on lawyers to argue for months over the use of the word Hudson. Me? I think they should spend that money on poor kids instead. Go figure.
* * *
Of course in my crankiness I started work right away on the T-shirts and bumper stickers we would distribute by the thousands:
Don't say HUDSON... or we'll sue your ass
The Jewish Board of Family & Children's Services
Who Discovered the Hudson River?
We did -- just ask our lawyers! JBFCS.
Ride With Us And Raise Money for Our Lawyers
(If there's any left over we might give some to poor kids)
None of this should be considered a knock at my many sane lawyer friends; just at these bozos.
And while I can't deny that I WAS enjoying this patently immature behavior on my part...
1. The guys who are siphoning off money from poor kids to lawyers are clearly knuckleheads of the highest order, but the kids who should be getting the money haven't done anything wrong -- why punish them? And...
2. Please continue to donate when you can to charities of all types. If you want to donate to Jewish charities there are plenty of great ones out there that help Jews and non-Jews alike.
SO... are we going to give up and and give in to the chuckleheads at the JBFCS? Of course not! (If I wanted to spend my days arguing with lawyers and getting
yelled at by idiots, I would have kept my corporate job!)
I'm counting on you to come along with us and be extra nice to your fellow riders, laugh too much, eat an extra piece of pie, meet the many lawyers who come to our rides who are fun to hang out with (honest!), and celebrate that we've been kicked, but we ain't down yet!
Or as the ride's crew likes to say to each other from time to time when things get too serious, "Relax! It's just a #$@!% bike ride!"
Thanks for sticking by us. I promise to do my very best for you every day.
Ride Hard. Have Fun. Don't Act Like a Jerk.
Glen
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