So, I am all fired up and in a shitty mood about a clients practice management system not working properly...so, into Starbucks I go...
Talking to the woman (with a nose ring) and her hair dyed black (did you all see South Park last night?)...I order a "Double Latte in a small cup"...she was mystified. Looking at me in a bovine fashion as if I was holding a bale of hay trying to get her to walk into slaughter house - she proclaims that "We don’t have that today"....and proceeds to adjust her apron in a fashion that let me know she was not happy (I would have to assume that her nipple ring was catching on her fishnet bra - as I would also assume that her bra is matching her leggings).
So, I digress and try to start over with new communication level..."okay, I would like two shots...in a small latte". At this point she proclaims "Oh, you want a Vento!"...instantly (and seriously) I thought no, I have Shamals...no need for a Vento. But, agree that infact I need a Vento...and a 16oz bottle of filtered water...for $6.57. After paying I am asked if I would "like that skinny". Judging by the look I gave her, she knew that I was the un-witting victim of a public school system and clarified by asking "What kind of milk". So my simple answer "white" really made her insane. Again with the "What kind of milk?!", "White". And more frustrated faces. I thought to make it easier; I told her that any milk was fine..."Even if it meant I was to suckle from the teets of another creature". Again...she was a cow after a handful of hay.
Waiting at a counter as I listen to the ever so trendy Starbucks staff speak in a code (much akin to Cherokee Indians in "Windtalkers") Latte Frappe Vento Skinny Moo Moo Whipped Hummma Humma Nukka Nuuka Aaapuaaa aa. I now know for certain, I #1 am not cool, and #2 am turning every day more and more like my grandfather - being disenchanted with society. Then they announce "Vento"...of course, I don’t respond as this is more gibberish crazy talk, I may as well have tried to order this drink in Bolivia, I could not communicate. Over and over "Vento, Vento, Vento"...and another woman with hemp woven jewelry all over came out and handed me my drink with a mad look on her face and said "Vento"...and then, cocked her head like a dog trying to understand what someone is saying (you all know the look).
Here I am...lost in a subculture of society that I can’t understand. I only want caffeine. I have no desire to learn yet another Ebonics style way of life...and I would like a "Double latte in a small cup", the cup in my hand is CLEARLY not small...and the luke warm fluid inside tastes like warm milk, with the "essence" of coffee...Now I like my coffee the way I like my women....bitter. I tell the woman (moo) at the counter that I wanted a "Double shot in a small cup"...she takes my cup, gives me a rapid exhale to show her displeasure with my inability to communicate and pours about half of my drink into a small cup, throws the rest (with the cup) into a sink behind her. Handing my drink back to me, she said "Tall". So, I now paid more for a "Tall" meaning "Small" and have less of what was not right to begin with. My ratio of caffeine was off, and now I get less of it to boot. I asked her how that was a "double"? "Vento IS a double shot".
"Okay, but, um...well, see...a double would infer that there is a higher ratio of espresso to milk than a larger drink". She responds - "no a double shot is a Vento". So, I tell her "You know what, why not just add another shot of espresso to THIS drink", pointing to the drink in my hand. She takes the drink, pours in some more espresso and then hands it back to me..."That will be eighty cents". I about lost it. I told her she was nuts, let her know that she should possibly consider trying out the GED class that is offered at the local community college, and that I would NEVER again go to Starbucks as I am certainly not up the standards of what they hold their customers to on a educational level....
So, I am all fired up and in a shitty mood about a clients practice management system not working properly...so, into Starbucks I go...
Talking to the woman (with a nose ring) and her hair dyed black (did you all see South Park last night?)...I order a "Double Latte in a small cup"...she was mystified. Looking at me in a bovine fashion as if I was holding a bale of hay trying to get her to walk into slaughter house - she proclaims that "We don’t have that today"....and proceeds to adjust her apron in a fashion that let me know she was not happy (I would have to assume that her nipple ring was catching on her fishnet bra - as I would also assume that her bra is matching her leggings).
So, I digress and try to start over with new communication level..."okay, I would like two shots...in a small latte". At this point she proclaims "Oh, you want a Vento!"...instantly (and seriously) I thought no, I have Shamals...no need for a Vento. But, agree that infact I need a Vento...and a 16oz bottle of filtered water...for $6.57. After paying I am asked if I would "like that skinny". Judging by the look I gave her, she knew that I was the un-witting victim of a public school system and clarified by asking "What kind of milk". So my simple answer "white" really made her insane. Again with the "What kind of milk?!", "White". And more frustrated faces. I thought to make it easier; I told her that any milk was fine..."Even if it meant I was to suckle from the teets of another creature". Again...she was a cow after a handful of hay.
Waiting at a counter as I listen to the ever so trendy Starbucks staff speak in a code (much akin to Cherokee Indians in "Windtalkers") Latte Frappe Vento Skinny Moo Moo Whipped Hummma Humma Nukka Nuuka Aaapuaaa aa. I now know for certain, I #1 am not cool, and #2 am turning every day more and more like my grandfather - being disenchanted with society. Then they announce "Vento"...of course, I don’t respond as this is more gibberish crazy talk, I may as well have tried to order this drink in Bolivia, I could not communicate. Over and over "Vento, Vento, Vento"...and another woman with hemp woven jewelry all over came out and handed me my drink with a mad look on her face and said "Vento"...and then, cocked her head like a dog trying to understand what someone is saying (you all know the look).
Here I am...lost in a subculture of society that I can’t understand. I only want caffeine. I have no desire to learn yet another Ebonics style way of life...and I would like a "Double latte in a small cup", the cup in my hand is CLEARLY not small...and the luke warm fluid inside tastes like warm milk, with the "essence" of coffee...Now I like my coffee the way I like my women....bitter. I tell the woman (moo) at the counter that I wanted a "Double shot in a small cup"...she takes my cup, gives me a rapid exhale to show her displeasure with my inability to communicate and pours about half of my drink into a small cup, throws the rest (with the cup) into a sink behind her. Handing my drink back to me, she said "Tall". So, I now paid more for a "Tall" meaning "Small" and have less of what was not right to begin with. My ratio of caffeine was off, and now I get less of it to boot. I asked her how that was a "double"? "Vento IS a double shot".
"Okay, but, um...well, see...a double would infer that there is a higher ratio of espresso to milk than a larger drink". She responds - "no a double shot is a Vento". So, I tell her "You know what, why not just add another shot of espresso to THIS drink", pointing to the drink in my hand. She takes the drink, pours in some more espresso and then hands it back to me..."That will be eighty cents". I about lost it. I told her she was nuts, let her know that she should possibly consider trying out the GED class that is offered at the local community college, and that I would NEVER again go to Starbucks as I am certainly not up the standards of what they hold their customers to on a educational level....
das ist aber nicht nett, jetzt wo es interessant wird alles in ausländisch.
das ist aber nicht nett, jetzt wo es interessant wird alles in ausländisch.
dirtyharry
Aber es ist trotzdem so treffend!
Das schlimme ist ja, dass es tatsächlich so läuft.
Ich hab mir in den Staaten auch schon gedacht: Mensch ich will einfach nen Kaffee mit ein bisschen Milch! (Wird wahrscheinlich hier bei Starbucks auch nicht besser sein, aber da geh ich aus Prinzip nicht hin) Musste mir bei meinem ersten Besuch der besagten Kaffeekette auch erst erklären lassen, was ich denn bestellen muss um halbwegs das zu bekommen, was ich gerne wollte...
Aber der Text kann ja fast nicht von Dude sein, wer bei seiner Größe auf das Gewicht kommen will, kann ja nicht sagen, dass die Milchsorte egal ist
Nee, sorry, der Text ist geklaut! Quelle vergessen. War von "Record10Carbon" auf ST.
Wer bloss "Kaffee" will, wird morgens an einem der unzaehligen silbernen carts fuendig. Wer nicht auf ein halbes Pfund Zucker im Kaffee steht, sollte dies aber auch sagen.
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