[dude]

Overheard in New York

Conductor: This is the last train. You have no other options, this is it. Get on this train.

--Metro North Rail

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your feet off the seats on this train. They belong on the floor; that's why it's there. If you can't put your feet on the floor because your luggage is there, don't worry: we took care of that too. Look up. That thing above your head is a luggage rack.

--NJ Transit, Penn Station

Announcement on NJ transit train: If you have young children, please take them...by the hand when leaving the train.

--Penn Station

Overheard by: JerseyJR

Train conductor: This is 18th Street, if this is your stop...get up! Give up that seat!

--1 Train

Overheard by: Chris K... at 11pm

Amtrak conductor: We are experiencing engine problems and need to change trains. But I want you to know that we have lost no altitude.

--Amtrak Train

Conductor, philosophical about delayed train: We don't usually have this type of delay at this time of day. But, well, here we are... (train starts to move) Aha! Here it is!

--A Train

Overheard by: Katie J

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, do you know where you are? (passengers are silent) I do! Hudson, next stop.

--Amtrak Train, Leaving Penn Station